Julie & Julia with a little bit of New Orleans

I have been reading Julie & Julia, just finished it actually... It was good, different from the previews that I have seen... I'm glad I read the book first so I wouldn't be swept up in the glamor of Julie's life that wasn't really glamorous. Reading the book though I have realized I do not have the patience to accomplish such a feat. I also realized that I would love to write, a book or something important, if I only had something important to say, or in the case of this book something to do. I don't have a long enough attention span to become an expert at anything, or the drive to do a long project. Joe said I should write down the funny things the children do at the preschool, but I'm not really sure how that would work legally... I don't know everything is a little strange when children are involved. It is a good idea though, probably shouldn't use real names...
I'll have more time to think about that tomorrow, on the trip down to NO...I can't believe it has been about a year since we moved. There were times this past year I was a little homesick for the place and the people, I guess the same way I was homesick for Clinton. In memories it is easy to forget the large amount of flies that we couldn't get rid of, having to drive thirty min to get to a Walmart, and trying not to worry about money problems. In memories, I never remember getting sick of hearing about Katrina, but we did. I'm ready for the taste again, and to hopefully see some friends. So that is tomorrow. Tonight I hope to convince Joe that Froghead is a good idea... who knows.

Simplify

Everything I plan to do usually starts out good, I'm dedicated in the beginning. Then slowly there is a change, the things I was so disciplined at are replaced or worn down to nothing. Habits aren't formed but reality sets in and I begin to no longer care about the things I once did, or to the extreme begin to loath them. For example, the bike that now sits in front of our building rusting. I had such good intentions when we first got it, Joe would eventually get a bike and we would ride together, and if all else fails I would ride it to work. When in New Orleans, riding the bike to work was a great idea, flat straight ride to work, less hassle than walking and great when the car was on the fritz. In Clinton, the hills and the heat make me not even want to think about taking the chain off. So there it sits, dedication out the window with the value and worth declining.

I am realizing how many things I have wasted our money on simply by wanting and not really needing. Those are the things that usually sit untouched for the second month of ownership, and have during the first month broken good habits and taken away the desire for steady things. A childish side of me emerges and I want nothing else but the flash and possibility of this thing or activity. I don't know if it is just a distraction from what life is really like or if it something I want to show off. I don't understand really why the cycle continues, but it continues in almost every area of my life; work, home life, church, quiet times all fall prey to it. When I hit the realization, I almost immediately feel the pull back in to it, "maybe a book or bible study could help me with this." Not that either are a bad thing for most people, but I know my tendency to spend money on either and never finish because they will be replaced as the cycle continues because buying it started the cycle.

When I say every area of my life, I mean every. Another example college, yes I stuck though and got my degree, but did I ever really stick anything out. I had four majors in four years, my plans went with the wind. Music was something I always enjoyed so thats where I started, until it began to be too hard and no longer something I enjoyed. Then came English education, great plans but I didn't really want to teach in a classroom I thought, I couldn't even spell well enough to teach anyone else. Social work was a brilliant idea, I could help people, that is what I wanted to do anyway seeing that my ultimate goal was to be a missionary, until it became more practical to the social work profession and then I was out. And I wanted to be out, of school, so how could I graduate with the least amount of extra money to be paid and hours to be taken, sociology. I loved the classes, but where has it gotten me? I still wonder if my idealized views of life will follow me through everything, I know that it has job wise. I will always wonder if I should go back to school to do something else, there the cycle continues. It is almost as if I am a piece of paper lit on fire to start a bonfire, without the huge steady logs I am only going to flare up for a short time and disappear, with the logs I could spread and bring meaningful heat. I know what the fire and logs should be focused on (or in the metaphor lit by and be centered around), but I feel I am still trying to find the logs that will last that will bring meaning and that can be centered around God and not try to replace him.

I don't want to blame all of this on my American culture, that would be the easy thing to say. I don't want to even blame, I feel like that is just a mechanism to justify instead of change. I do feel bad that I have wasted time, money and talents that have been entrusted to me but I don't feel I should dwell on the things that are now gone. I know that God has forgiven me for my past, and wants me to simplify so I can seek him and he will change my desires for the lasting things.

One week down, one to go!

So Joe has been gone for a little over a week, and will be back one week from today! Besides a down day yesterday when I really didn't get to talk to him and missed him much more than other days, I've been ok. Don't get me wrong, I have had a hard time cooking for one, and cleaning the house, especially the dishes but work has kept me busy. I really can't wait until I get home from work next Monday and find my husband crashed out on the couch or bed because of jet lag. But until then tomorrow is the first day in my new class. There is still so much to do to fix the room the way I like it. I keep rethinking the layout, dress up should be by a mirror, so homeliving will need to move, and that means that the climbing toy needs to move as well...but is the mirror short enough not to climb up to it? Anyway, those are the boring thoughts going through my head. Back to laundry for me. Have a great Memorial Day.

Frogs everywhere!

So my desk is covered in frogs, laminated, ones that need to be laminated, and a froghead grill cup. With this week being so wearing on my nerves, I just keep telling myself next week will be different. I will be in a different room, have a different schedule and five or six new children out of the eleven or twelve children in the class. Part of me is excited, the other part is scared that the children I already have will not mesh well with the new children. At least I'll be working shorter days 7 1/2 hours in stead of 9 or 10 hour days. Well back to cutting out frogs...

Is it really tuesday, because it feels like monday!

Yesterday, I worked a whopping 12 hours, with setting up my room for next week and a staff meeting. Needless to say, today I am not on my A game. To top it off, we are beginning to try to follow the ITERS procedure for proper diaper changing, I think I counted 18 steps... I remember going over it in NO but it is strange to really try to put it in motion. With move up next week, and rooms changing this week, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed. The children can feel it too, at least that is what I am telling my self to excuse the crankiness and aggression. I am ready for the day to be over, sadly it is only lunch time, and about time for me to go back. Please pray that I will be sane when handling the children, and that I won't miss Joe too much. Please pray that in the midst of all this God will be glorified in and through me.

Long day...

Today I went to a training for the preschool, six hours of training... Sadly I feel I learned more from the handouts than from the people actually speaking. Thankfully I will be paid for those six hours, and I guess it got my mind off Joe leaving. Which by the way he has actually left Jackson and is on his way! I know he is so excited to finally be on his way. Please pray for safe travel. Right now I am just watching You've Got mail on TV and thinking about all the things I need to do, and not really sure where to start. Have a great rest of the weekend!

Today has been crazy busy but fun. Joe and I talked about greening up our life, but not sure where it will take us.
We found great photography on brick street, had pizza from a new to us pizza place, and stopped by the bucks for a quick visit with a friend and a treat... Oh yeah and we tailed joe's boss on the interstate on accident while going the wrong direction.